Hitting hurts. Both physically and mentally.

If your child is hitting, it does not mean they are “mean” or “aggressive.” Hitting is actually quite common and may be happening for a variety of reasons:

- Struggling to Verbalize Feelings

- Self-regulation & Decision-making are Developing

- Connection Seeking

- Triple “O”: Overwhelmed/Overtired/Overstimulated

Struggling to Verbalize Feelings: 

When feeling frustrated, it's much easier (and time efficient) to hit, rather than pausing, reflecting, and verbally expressing feelings - this is especially true when it comes to toddlers. The ability to positively communicate with others takes time, patience, & guidance from their caregivers.

Self-regulation & Decision-making are Developing:

Young children are often impulsive, as the part of the brain responsible for decision-making (frontal lobe), is still being developed. This may result in more spontaneous actions (and reactions), such as yelling & hitting when frustrated.

Connection Seeking: 

Let's reframe our thinking from "attention seeking" to "connection seeking." Children may struggle in a personal relationship and not know how to verbalize their feelings. Hitting may be a way to convey their frustration, while still reaching out for adult guidance & support for relationship-building.

Triple “O” (Overwhelmed/Overtired/Overstimulated): 

Any one of these feelings are powerful enough to prompt children to become irritable and physical. Loss of control and/or reasoning can easily be the byproduct of a child who is overwhelmed, overtired, or overstimulated. 

While there are several reasons why a child may hit, there’s also several strategies that may help reduce your child hitting you/others, such as connection building, validation of your child’s feelings, creating safe boundaries, and becoming cognizant of possible triggers. These small steps can lead to BIG differences for children with BIG feelings!